My how things have changed

Last week the kids and I met GG down in LA while she was there for a sewing conference.  She was staying at a hotel that my co-workers and I used to go to for happy hour.  And this time as I waited in that bar chasing one kid going to the left and the other going to the righ I thought... my how things have changed. 

When we finally met up we went across the street to eat.  When I worked I didn't like to take a lunch because my commute was so long, I didn't want to waste time taking a 30 minute lunch break because I couldn't wait to get home to Kayla.  Now, sitting in Quiznos while the kids ran around, not eating, making it so that I couldn't eat I thought... my how things have changed.

There's a little area outside right by the hotel that I thought we could go hang out in for an hour or so letting the kids run around and spend some free time with GG.  While we were over there Kayla of course had to go to the bathroom.  So, we ran down to a row of restaurants, one of which I had visited with coworkers for a nice  lunch once or twice.  This time as I walked through it quickly carrying 2 bags overflowing with diapers, left over chips, and a nursing cover and dragging Kayla behind me I thought... my how things have changed.

The next day we left for a weekend trip to Ventura for Eric to ride a 100 mile ride.  Both Friday night and Saturday night we were all asleep by 9pm tired from a long week with little sleep (mom) and a long ride (dad).  We ate in the hotel which provided free breakfast and both days after spending about 10-15 minutes trying to convince the kids to eat we ended up back in the room to hang out on the bed and hand feed both of them.  And on Sunday as I slowly packed up the room so we could leave for the day by 9:30am (when we used to have to rush to be out by the noon check out!) I thought... my how things have changed.

It's no secret that kids change your life and it's really pretty obvious most of the time, so obvious you don't really even pay attention to it.  But when it's staring you in the face it's really pretty funny.  Just thought I'd share.

I quit!

***I wrote this a few weeks back but didn't post it because I was waiting to put it on a blog I'm going to be writing for a local website, but that is slow in starting up so I'm not waiting any longer.***

That's right, I did it!  I quit my job!  Some would say that's not a smart move in this economy, especially with two kids.  Others would say that it was an excellent choice to stay home with my two young children.  Well, everyone is right.  :-) 

It is a rough time right now, but since my job was questionable anyway (because of the horrible budgetary problems at LAUSD right now) as were my benefits, it's not a horrible time.  And it is great to stay home with my children - anyone who is willing to and can afford it should.  But those two things don't always happen.  Some people, possibly myself included, are meant to work.  They need to interact with adults, they need to be productive in the workforce, they feel a sense of accomplishment from earning a paycheck and contributing to the family financially not to mention contributing to the working world.  Some people are meant to be moms or dads at home, teaching their young children, watching them grow up, shaping their every day lives on a very real and personal level. 

Which am I?  I don't know.  I know I'm enjoying being at home with them, but that it's incredibly difficult.  It's hard to be around kids all day, I have no idea how teachers do it.  It's hard if you're put on an "allowance" because you don't bring in income (this is not the case with me, but it's certainly not unheard of).  It's hard to figure out how to entertain and teach the children all day.  But, to see them learn new things on a daily basis, see them concentrating so hard on new tasks, hear their laughter and know that they are laughing because of something you did - that makes it all worth while.  This is not to say that working parents don't enjoy these same things, but just on a smaller time frame. 

As someone who worked for the first year of her first child's life, I'm here to say, I much prefer not working.  (Not that it isn't work, but you know what I mean.)  I don't have our lives figured out yet, and there are a million piles around our house, the dishes aren't done and the laundry needs to be put away but today I watched Kayla make a friend (social skills), I watched her climb up a rocky surface to get to a slide (determination and balance), I nursed my baby boy all day long (instead of pumping at work all day just to get 1 feeding!), I watched Kayla have the time of her life sliding down a bumpy slide (fun!), I showed her sticks and leaves and grass (curiosity), I rocked my baby to sleep, I carried Kayla around and slid down slides with her (bonding), I watched as Kayla tried to hug Tyler and instead ended up laying on him - and he laughed, I comforted her when she woke up not feeling well from her nap (comfort), I helped my baby sit up, roll over, stand up, and sit down, I read my little girl bedtime books and sang her lullabies before going to bed (literacy), and made Tyler laugh by eating his belly.  Yea, it was all play for them, but what else are they supposed to do this young?  I am just so glad I was able to be a part of it, to watch them grow right before my eyes. 

If we can manage it, I would love to stay home.  If we can't and I go back to work, I'll remember these months we've had together with love and cherish our time together even more!  Until then, I'm going to try to figure this all out.

Oh the Christmas Card Picture!

Every year we've been married I've made Eric take Christmas pictures with me.  Pre-kids this meant self timer pictures in front of the Christmas tree we put up on Thanksgiving.

Even if the camera wasn't straight and my husband was making a funny face...

 Or the dog wasn't really in the mood to take pictures

This one is my favorite, still.

And this marked the end to the self timer-in-front-of-the-tree picture for us, for the time being anyway, because as you can tell (or may remember) I was pregnant with Kayla at the time.

Since taking pictures with kids is hard enough we weren't about to try to do the self timer thing again... plus we wanted something slightly more professional.  So, we went to Picture People and came  home with a nice, albeit generic, Christmas picture.

We've been going to Picture People every month Kayla's first year and now every month of Tyler's first year.... along with Christmases and any time family is in town.  We go a lot!  So, you'd think Kayla would be used to this by now.  Maybe she is, maybe that's why when we went to take this years picture she was incredibly hyper, running around the store, playing with all the props, leaving the photography "room", etc.  No matter what we tried to do - entertain her, scold her, reason with her... none of it worked.  Until I finally said "fine, you go sit over there and we'll take pictures without you."  She sat for a minute, and then decided she could be in the pictures with us instead of running around.  But only by mommy.  That lasted for about 2 minutes then she was running around again.  She took another picture or two then decided she was in trouble again and put herself in timeout.  That's when we pretended to be having a ton of fun taking pictures and got this little gem of a picture. 

I know, a lot like his 4 month pic, but notice the addition of happy dad in the picture.  :-) 

Sure enough she came back a few minutes later and we convinced her to take one more picture. 

It was hard to get her to "hand me an ornament" while not actually handing it to me (and thus tearing down the tree) and look at the camera at the same time.  Fun stuff!

We didn't get the best pictures because she was so uninterested, and their props and backgrounds aren't all that exciting, but we got a few.  I think we're going to have to try the on-location photographer next time because then we can run around and have fun rather than try to reign her in and take posed pictures.  These have their place, but while you have such young kids it's not the easiest.  So, until next year, we'll stick with these.  :-)

PS - There are 2 more pics but I didn't include them because they are on our Christmas Cards this year.  I'll post them after the cards are mailed out (and received).   

Juggling Two Under Two

Until a year ago I never thought about having 2 kids under the age of 2... well... maybe I did since we planned to get pregnant when Kayla turned 1 but she would have been closer to 2 than she is now.  Whatever - point being - didn't really think about it.  Even when I was pregnant.  People would ask me how I was going to do it and I answered honestly - I had no idea.  I figured we'd just go on about our business and things would work themselves out.  And, generally, they are.  But, hello!  I have 2 under 2!  It's not all wine and roses - nope it's milk and burp cloths. 

I'm gonna be honest here - this isn't a happy post.  It's not sad or anything but it's honest.  And I'll try to keep the complaining to a minimum because there are certainly worse things in life (Alyssa, if you're reading this you know what I'm talking about.)  But, like I said, honest.  It's hard.  I remember when Kayla was little (b/c she's oh so big now, right?) and Eric would come home from work and ask what we did all day and I had no answer for him because what in the world was I supposed to get accomplished with a newborn at home?  They take up all your time.  Really?  Do they?  Really?  Well, now that I've got a newborn and a toddler I'm hear to say - however old your kid is, if they aren't in school they take up a lot of your time, if not all of it.  I spend at least half, if not more, of my day getting one or the other one fed or to sleep or changed. 

So, that leaves half my day for entertaining them, teaching them, being productive, and having some adult time either by myself or with Eric (or both).  When they are older it'll be great to have them so close in age because they'll be into the same things and learning sorta the same things.  Right now they are worlds apart. 

I'm trying to prevent watch Kayla run all over the library while wearing Tyler so I can't really run after her, and it's a library so I can't yell at her to get back over here. 

I'm trying to get him some much needed tummy time because I didn't do it the first few weeks of life because he slept so dang much and here she comes trying to lay down on with him. 

If I try to put him in the swing or on his back on the mat she's trying to jump on him, pick him up, or hug him... all of which are dangerous at this age. 

We can eat meals together, provided he's eating on the left side (so my right hand is free) and her meal is completely toddler ready (meaning all cut up and easy to eat). 

We can go on walks together.  I can't put them both in the wagon yet, but that time will come.  I have 2 double strollers so we can and do go for walks in those. 

I do try to read to both of them at the same time, at least showing him the pictures. 

Can't really let her go in the toddler pool since I'd have to hold him and if she fell down in there she'd still be under water (it's only a foot but a foot of water is a foot of water!).  I can't play with her on her water mat, but she can entertain herself in there. 

If I try to get him down for a nap, what do I do with her so she doesn't yell or talk loudly, as she's prone to do, and wake him up?  He sleeps upstairs so I gotta leave her downstairs to put him down - what can she get into? 

She needs to be changed so he's stuck in the chair or in the crib while she attempts to help me change her (potty training time anyone?)  If he's on the chair within a few minutes he's worked himself down so he's all slouchy or he's fallen over and bent in half.

He's pretty easy to handle right now - you can put him down and walk away and not worry that he's going to go running off in the opposite direction.  Those times will come. 

At the park, he needs to eat or be changed, and she's off running around the playground (which is generally fine, but there are still stairs and ledges she can fall off.  Thank GOD for other moms!)

I need to change his diaper but she lays down on any blanket or pillow we put on the ground.  She actually will fling herself down, get up when I ask her too, hover over it until I'm about to put him down and then fling herself down on it again.  This becomes a little game - to her.  Not to me. 

It's just every day stuff.  The early weeks/months of having a baby is hard no matter what.  I mean, it's not rocket science hard, but the adjustment to your life is hard.  Figuring things out.  Making a routine.  Throw a toddler into that mix and you've got a recipe for craziness that includes a lot of liquor and tears.  It's fun.  They make me laugh.  A lot.  They makes me want to pull out my hair... and theirs.  She makes me want to squeeze her tight (sometimes maybe a little too tight) and tell them I love them a million times a day (I don't want to squeeze him yet, he's not sturdy enough yet at only about 11 lbs.  But it's just crazy here.  Just enough crazy to have a messy house and hurried lives... and we aren't even involved in school projects, committee meetings, parent/teacher nights, sports games, practices, rehearsals, etc. 

Life...ready or not...here we come!

P.S. I don't even want to know what twins would be like!  Mom's of twins are SUPER moms!

Home alone... (It's a long one!)

For a good part of the day I'm home alone with the two kids now.  Eric has a little bit of time in the mornings, and sometimes comes home for lunch, but just like he has a full day of work I do too.  And boy can it be stressful.

Being a  stay at home mom is a tough adjustment.  It's even harder, I assume, when you're also adjusting to life with a newborn and a toddler.  I never know what I should be doing during the day, besides feeding and changing them.  I try to keep us moving, but since I'm not used to being a full time mom, progress is slow.    What kind of play time do they need?  I have no idea.  How do I react to her outburst?  Oops, I yelled ... again... now what?  How do I teach her not to hit when I so badly want to spank her?  How do I tell her "don't yell" when I want to yell?  What's causing the meltdowns and how can I prevent them?  Parenting is hard... it was hard at nights and on the weekends but it's even harder as a full time job.  You have a lot of work to do, and a lot of pressure (mostly self inflicted) to instill good manners, traits, and skills in these youngsters.  And I've only been at this for a couple weeks. 

On top of that, mommy guilt has set in. Do I really give her the attention she needs? Do I stimulate her enough? Is he held enough? What is he supposed to be able to do right now? Is he stimulated enough? Do they know I love them? How do I teach her? What do I teach her? How do I get her to not scream as much? What's with the tantrums? What am I doing wrong? I really feel bad that I have to spend so much time nursing him (even though he's a world class champ when it comes to speed eating - only eating about10 minutes) and getting him to sleep (that takes much longer - about 20 minutes) only for him to sleep for anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half before wanting to eat again. For a toddler who wants you to sit down and play with her, that can be frustrating. And for the mom who hears "sit?" 10 times in a row it's frustrating.  I'm sure she gets plenty of my time... more than she used to get... but you still wonder if it's enough.  Then there's his attention - when she demands so much more (assuming he's calm) it's hard to make sure he's getting his fair share.  Oh the guilt!

I am, however, getting the hang of going out with the two of them by myself (we've been a variety of stores, the grocery, the post office, the mall - all on our own!).  Kayla's been very good about riding in the carts or walking with me while I wear him.  I do need some help with patience, because when we go to one too many places or we go too close to lunch time she starts acting out.  It's my own fault, I should know better, but when she's doing so good you forget that in 2 minutes she can turn on you!  :-)  But, really, she's been very good out in public. 

At home, we're working on things.  We're working on the discipline and how to handle the outbursts.  We're working on getting Tyler to fall asleep even though she's talking and laughing and yelling.  We're working on what in the world to eat during the day.  I'm sure she'd gladly eat waffles every day but I'm pretty sure that even though I bought the "lite" syrup there's still more sugar in there than she really needs.  We're working on how to handle it when both of them are crying... or, ya know, when just one of them is crying.  We're working on finding balance.... there has to be some... somewhere. 

So, do I like it?  I do.  As long as I can keep us busy.  There are stressful times every day, but I'm trying to laugh at more things, to take things slower, to be patient.  But, I'm so not patient.  I try, but there are times when my timeline and either of their timelines do not match up and that is when we break down.  Do I think I could do this long term, I have no idea.  Right now we're learning, figuring things out.  There are good days and bad days.  I'm looking forward to Tyler getting into a routine, so we can all get into a routine... that would go a long way in making the adjustment.  Then I just have to figure out how to teach and entertain them.  Right now it's just about keeping us alive.  :-)

And, for those who want to know, this is what our days usually look like right now. 

6:30am
wake up 
get everyone dressed
feed the kiddos a morning snack
say bye to dad
play with toys
make breakfast
feed Tyler
go to park, run errands, and/or take a walk (1 or 2 of those)
feed Tyler
make and eat lunch
play/read
feed Tyler(hopefully he falls asleep)

1:00pm
put Kayla down for a nap and listen to her talk/cry for 20 minutes
mom's nap time
feed Tyler
mom's productive time - clean up from lunch and pick up toys.  check email.  make phone calls, write blog, upload pics, etc.
get Kayla up from nap and provide snack
feed Tyler
play/watch sesame street/do a craft
feed Tyler
dad comes home and play with kids
mom cooks dinner
more play time or a walk

8:00pm
Bath time and bed time for kiddos

I love that...

... Kayla says "nu nu" for noodles.

... Kayla shakes her hips to dance

... Tyler's jaundice is almost gone, except for his face.

... We figured out that nap time should be at 1 or 130 instead of 1145... much less screaming.

... Kayla yells up the stairs "Airy!" because she's heard/seen me yell "Eric!".

... Kayla says "home" when we pull into the garage.

... Tyler is starting to be awake more, but still sleeps A LOT!

... Kayla gets into the papasan baby bouncer, turns on the vibrations and the music, sits back and relaxes in it with a big ole grin on her face... then turns it off 30 seconds later and continues to play. 

... Tyler goes right back to sleep after eating in the middle of the night.  So helpful for mommy!

... Kayla says "do do" (her version of "thank you") after everything - if you give her something, take something away, if she gives you something, etc.

... Kayla claps her hands and says "Yay" after she does something she thinks is praiseworthy.

... Tyler doesn't cry during diaper changes, and that Kayla throws away both her diapers and his after diaper changes.

... I finally ordered my Ergo carrier - Tyler feels very comfortable and secure in there.  It's huge but it's made to carry kids until they are 40 lbs so we're good.

... Eric comes home and almost immediately starts playing with the kids.  I know he'd rather sit and relax but he doesn't.

... I came home after a lunch time errand (while Eric stayed home with the kids) to find Eric eating lunch and Kayla scrubbing the floor with a wipe.  Felt very Cinderella-ish.  LOL.  (She has to wipe off whatever she colors on that wasn't paper - in this situation she had colored on the kitchen floor.)

... Tyler is starting to make some different facial expressions.  He's still worried/concerned/fearful most of the time, but we're getting some attempts at smiles as well as other faces along with some gurgles.

... Kayla is so patient about my getting Tyler out of the car first.  She just sits there calmly in her seat while I get situated.

... We now have a ritual of saying bye to dad in the morning - Kayla and I stand at the door (I squat, Kayla stands) and Eric goes out to his truck.  She says bye and waves.  Once he starts up his truck she gets a big giant grin on her face and looks at me and laughs.  We then proceed to wave and say bye as dad pulls out of the garage.  So adorable!

... I've lost almost all of my Tyler pregnancy weight - now just have the 20 or so pounds that I gained before and during my pregnancy with Kayla and didn't lose before I got pregnant with Tyler.

... Kayla puts her face in her hands when she cries now.  (Okay, so I don't love that, but it does make me smile - so pathetic looking.  And where'd she learn that from???)

... Tyler is finally taking is pacifier... sometimes.  It's not all the time, and he still drops it a lot, but we're getting better.

... Our family is complete and now I can just watch these little munchkins grow up... and grow right along with them.

(Just thought I'd throw this out there - I love lists!  All these things are just kind of random thoughts that go through my head and they don't each warrant a whole post by themselves... so I revert to my BFF - the list.)

There's nothing like...

... a sprint to the train to wake you up at 6 o'clock in the morning.

... waking up knowing you were dreaming about your very happy daughter.

... country music about summer to make you wish it were summer all year long

... holiday candy sales to make you break your diet

... seeing graduation gear in the stores to remind you of happy endings and new beginnings

... Saturday nights on the front porch to melt the stress of the week away

... having visitors in town to make you leave the house and venture into the world

... a good challenge at work to learn something new

... finding that your skinny jeans fit to realize your efforts were worth it

... girlfriends to gossip with and learn from to keep you grounded

... seeing your little girl run to you every time you pick her up from daycare to melt your heart

... a good book to take you away from the world

... a daughters bear hug to make everything else seem so small

... laughing with your husband to reconnect

... finding a TV show that you can actually relate to (yes, it's possible.)

... good friends and relaxed restaurant patrons to enjoy dinner out with a toddler (or two)

... hearing your daughter laugh at the little things to make you see the little things

... your car breaking down to give you a few extra unplanned, un-distracted minutes with your husband

... a blog post to help you remember your blessings and fortunes

Eric - the one armed man

Eric, it seems, has gotten very adept at doing things one handed. He will carry Kayla around and do just about anything - as you can see below. I, on the other hand, put her down next to me most of the time and give her something to play with. I figure it makes it easier and quicker to get the task done. I think he'd rather make sure she doesn't get into something she shouldn't get into. To each his own.

I just thought I'd share one of his many talents with the world. Enjoy!

Doing Laundry...

Trimming the hedges...

Making coffee...

Installing the cabinet locks in the bathroom...

His arm has got to be made of steel!

Gotta take the bad with the good

So for the last couple days I'd been thinking about everything I wanted to share in the next blog. How Kayla now points on things - she doesn't point at them yet, she extends her index finger and puts that finger on an object... every object. I wanted to tell how how she's stood for a few seconds all by herself a few times and how if we move a toy to the other end of the cradle stand she'll "cruise" on down there and get it (slowly but surely). I was so excited to share about how she likes to play games now - games like I'm going to take off my sock every time you put it on me, I'm going to chase you or let you chase me, I'm gonna put my finger in your mouth and squeal with delight when you act like you're eating it. I was going to happily describe how we're starting to help her walk - holding her little hands above her head and taking little tiny baby steps. I was going to spend a sentence or two "complaining" that she's so clingy lately - doesn't want to leave our sides hardly. (Can't really complain, because at this point it's still cute!)

I was going to...

Until...

she wouldn't go to sleep tonight! She didn't cry all that much longer than she normally does, but normally it's off and on and doesn't last more than a couple minutes... tonight it was more like 10 minutes of constant crying with a few wailing interludes in there until daddy finally came in with the magic touch. And while I'm still completely excited about all her new fun-ness, and the cute little games she likes to play with people now and how much she makes me laugh, and how much I miss her during the day - it's tempered a little at night, every night, when she makes going to sleep more difficult than it needs to be. But when I signed up to be a mom, a parent, a wife, I signed up for the good and the bad. So, I'll take what I can get - relish in the good and remember those fantastic little moments when things aren't so perfect and fun. I'll try to anyway. :)

Eric

I thought I'd take a little break from talking all about Kayla and focus instead on Eric for a minute and his transition into daddy-hood. :) He has absolutely been incredible. How? Well, for one, he is now smoke free for 10 days! I think he's over the hard part. He's taking Chantix to help him and will be on that for 3 months - then he will have officially quit smoking. I am so proud of him for that and so glad that he finally had a good enough reason to quit. It's probably not the most stress free time to do it, what with a new baby and a new job, but heck - 3 stressors can't be much worse than 2 of them. :-)


He's also been really good about cooking. If you know anything about us you know we eat ate out A LOT - most meals. It's just hard when you don't get home until after 6pm - you really don't want to start dinner then - you're HUNGRY! Anyway, since the grandma's left, he has cooked dinner most nights. And I mean actually following recipes and everything. Not every night - some nights are mac and cheese nights (though I must admit that's more often when I cook dinner) - but most nights. I'm not entirely sure how long that will last but so far so good.


And, while he doesn't help with Kayla at 3am (Lord knows that man can sleep through anything) he does play with her and take care of her when he gets home from work. He comes in and heads straight for her to kiss her and tell her hello and that he missed her during the day. She doesn't know what he's saying but she knows he loves her. He's also in charge of bathing her - every other night. That's their bonding time. And they both handle it so well! He's still getting the hang of dressing her - especially when she's fussy and squirmy - those damn snaps. :-) Anyway, you can tell that he's completely in love with her - she will definitely have him wrapped around her little finger in the coming years.

Finally, even though we agreed that she would not share the bed with us, that 3 or 5am feeding is just too much and I just nurse her in bed and let her fall asleep with us - but it's so cool because then we wake up all together. We lay there for a few minutes as a happy little family, smiling at our beautiful baby girl. The "family bed" won't last too much longer - we don't want her getting used to it - but for now, for a couple hours, it's okay.


Okay, well, he'll be home in a few minutes so I should probably try to get the living room a little picked up - it's the least I can do especially since Kayla is currently asleep.